worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
we're so committed to being not committed
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize