this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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