he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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