So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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