You can't motorboat a personality
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
