Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
