does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
