I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
