you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
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