My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
