he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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