she was so not down for the gang bang
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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