Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
