If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
