I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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