i barfeds in our rink
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
