Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
