apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
