I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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