areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
