dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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