Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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