I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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