Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
