Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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