I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
