Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
