Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
