So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Don't tell me you're on acid again
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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