Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
