the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
