My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
