He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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