Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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