Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
