when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize