i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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