I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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