apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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