So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
