this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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