THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
