DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
