i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
