well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
