Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
