bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
