At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
