Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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