FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
The uberlube is also flammable
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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