the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
