we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
