They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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