This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
