My hair reeks of homosexuality.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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