dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
