Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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