The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
