so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
