I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
