Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
