Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
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