Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
