I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
