Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
