I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
