she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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