i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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