guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
