I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
third nipple confirmed
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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