i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
